So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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