its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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