the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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