I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
