when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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