I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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