I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
