I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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