Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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