I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
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