i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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