he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize