You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
