i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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