im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
