BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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