The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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