i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
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Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I need to calm my uterus...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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