You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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