did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
