He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i out mim tonsoeep
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