I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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