my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
