My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
