In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
