brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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