I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
