yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
