why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
