Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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