so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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