...so i touched it.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
