I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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