You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
