yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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