well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
