I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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