I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
