Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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