the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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