He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
