seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
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