Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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