when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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