I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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