He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
