If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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