; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I cannot find my penis.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
