do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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