I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
