he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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