u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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