K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
