Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
