she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
