Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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