No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
