omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
