She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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