The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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