their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
