If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
