I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
