I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
