ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
