Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
