Please, let me fuck your mom
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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