Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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