I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize