and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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