Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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