I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
